My friend said she just received a jury summons and that, as mail goes, she’d rather have gotten a letter from the IRS.
We were having coffee with three other women, and they all nodded enthusiastically. Being civic minded—and also afraid I messed up my taxes—I scolded them. “Jury duty is our responsibility as citizens,” I said sternly. “Besides that, it’s one of only a few acceptable ways to get out of going to work.”
Maybe my friends don’t see the point in jury duty when they could just lie on their couches in sweatpants watching Matlock reruns and court TV reality shows like Judge Judy and The People’s Court. Or maybe they just misunderstand the term “hung jury” in which case they probably wouldn’t make the best jurors anyway.
I don’t think that’s it though because several of them have been on juries and they soon launched into tales of their experiences—the cases, the verdicts, dramatic tidbits from the testimony. Some of it might even have been true.
That always happens when someone announces jury service. It’s a lot like when you mention a pending medical procedure. You know how the other person regales you with a detailed account of their own experience. They tell you how painful it was, how they nearly died, and how there were plenty of times they wished they’d just gone ahead and done it. It’s the same when you mention jury service—except without the anesthesia.
Jury service does give you some good stories to tell. Besides that, it’s way more interesting and educational than courtroom dramas and court TV. Up until I served on a jury, everything I knew about our legal system I’d learned watching reruns of Matlock and Perry Mason and getting speeding tickets. As you know, Ben Matlock and Perry Mason only represented innocent people. But in one of the trials I served on we found the defendant guilty, so that was a new twist for me.
I’m not going to lie though. There’s one thing I like better about Ben and Jerry—oops—I mean Ben and Perry. Not Ben and Jerry, though I like them too. Objection! Irrelevant.
What I liked was the way Ben Matlock and Perry Mason always overcame what seemed like overwhelming evidence against their client by finding the real killer and wrapping the whole thing up in one episode. Often this was because a witness would break down under their expert questioning and confess to murder right there on the stand. I was disappointed no one did that in either of the trials I served on. That would have been something to see—especially since neither of them were murder trials.
And real court was so much more interesting than hearing Kimberly Thompson on court reality TV argue that her deposit was held back unfairly and her landlady arguing that she kept it because Kimberly’s Great Dane Tiny had chewed up the carpet in the living room.
Kimberly defended Tiny, as any good pet owner would do, saying not only is he a very good boy, he’s also a very old boy who happens to be missing some teeth. Therefore, he couldn’t chew up the carpet even if he wanted to—not that he would want to because he’s such a good boy. Kimberly claimed the carpet was trashed when she moved in and she said she could really use the deposit to get some dental work for Tiny.
By the way, I watched the saga of Kimberly and Tiny on court TV for research purposes only. And I don’t know if Kimberly got her $500 deposit back, because, as riveting as it was, I didn’t want to sit through the commercials to find out.
So yes, real court is much more educational and interesting than either courtroom drama or court TV. Plus, no commercials.
Dorothy Rosby is the author of three books of humorous essays, including I Didn’t Know You Could Make Birthday Cake from Scratch: Parenting Blunders from Cradle to Empty Nest. Contact drosby@rushmore.com.