Why are kids so mean that is a question I ask you the readers? I ask this as a parent to two young boys who are experiencing bullying by a student much older then themselves. Last week when I went to get my boys from the bus drop off at the South O’Brien High School I was running a little late. I caught a young lady who is in the fourth grade push my youngest son down on the ground then get on top of him pinning down. I don’t like to use the weight thing but she is a lot heavier then my son and he is no weakling either he wrestles in our youth wrestling program but there was no way he could defend himself from her. But in the heat of the moment I jumped out of my vehicle yelling at the young lady in not so nice words to get off my son. Let me remind you she is in fourth grade my youngest is in kindergarden. My oldest who is in first grade is yelling from the top of the slide at the girl to leave his brother alone. The young lady proceeded to tell me as she and her brother started to walk off that my son had her ball. I told her that I didn’t care that she had no right to put her hands on my son that she was older then he was and she should know better. I told her I should call the cops on her. That when she turned to me and told me she didn’t care and that she kicked my youngest son in the face as well. I was pretty heated at this point I told her that was assault right there and I should call the cops. She turned to me as she crossed the street and said good that she hoped my son dies. It was at that moment that my dad decides to call. I talk to him for a moment and he convinces me to go talk to the principal at the high school, which she wasn’t there, so I made a quick call to the elementary to talk to the principal there. He said he would take care of it the next day. When we got home I was still pretty mad and I still had to finish working on the new Sanborn Pioneer for that week. I wasn’t sure what to do and didn’t understand how kids could be so mean.
I talked to both my boys to understand what had happened and it all steamed from a ball. From my understanding my youngest wanted to play with the older kids because they were playing catch which I could see he likes to be friends and play with everyone. The older kids didn’t want to play so my boys went to the playground to play until I got there. The older kids had moved to play around the playground. My youngest said the ball ended up on the ground and he went to grab it to give it back to her, both my boys conformed this. That when the girl knocked him down and got on top of him. The girl told a different story to the principal and he believed he but she had left out the part where she had kicked my youngest and told me she wished him to die.
This happened last Monday I talked to the principal that afternoon he said he would talk to everyone the next day. He called me back last Wednesday after I emailed the supervenient because I hadn’t gotten a response from him. He said he had talked to everyone and told me what he believed had happened and said it would be taken care of. I added to what the girl had missed on from what my boys had said or what I had heard. I told him the girl, her brother and group of friends have been verbally assaulting and harassing my boys and myself since the events on Monday. He said he would ask them to stop. There hasn’t been any punishment for the girl as far as I know.
Well the talking didn’t work and she, her brother and group of friends have been verbally assaulting and harassing my boys and myself on and off the bus. Even when we see them downtown when we are stopping at the post office, grocery store or pharmacy in Paullina. Looks really good for the school the way they act. I don’t care what she says about me but it upsets my boys. I have been in contact with the principal about the matter but all we get is him talking the group. Talking to them doesn’t work.
Not sure what else to do about them I tell my boys to ignore the bullies I say get the parents involved. They might not know what their kids are doing. I would love to talk to the parents but not sure if that would work.
I miss the old days I had bullies growing up but they weren’t this cruel and it was easier to talk to the other kids parents or your parent could help you handle it. My mom helped me with my bullies. When I was in fourth grade I was getting pushed down and bullied by kids I met while walking home from school. My mom told me to stand up for myself but didn’t work with this group being there was a boy in the group that one day left marks on me. My mom had enough of it. So one day after school she met me at the school with our a hundred and twenty-five pound Australian Heeler and told me to walk ahead of her. I walked ahead of her we eventually met the group of kids that were bulling me. They laid one hand on me and That dog barked and growled as it lunged at those kids. It took everything my mom had to keep that dog back. She told the kids that I wouldn’t do that if she was them that she would let the lease go. Those kids never laid their hands on me again. I don’t think we could get away with that now but just the point. Now people and schools are so afraid to make waves. My mom I remember when she went the school for any of us kids the teachers usually went the other direction because there was usually an issue when she came to school. But now I believe most get swept under the rug. I don’t plan to let this being swept under the rug I want the bullying to stop. I don’t think pulling my kids from the bus would help because I am sure the group will move on to other kids or find other ways to bully my boys. That and we can’t really afford to take our kids to and from school.
I know my boys are not always innocent but I hope I have taught them to be kind and not be a bully. I stop any instants of bullying and there are punishments for it. I worry about that a lot with my boys whether they are being bullies or being bullied. I also have taught them to stand up for themselves. I stopped my oldest from saying something to the bully girl the other day. I told him not to stoop to her level that in fact he would be a bully then. He apologized and said it just upsets him the way she talks about them and me.
Kids are not like they were back then they can be crueler. Maybe it is the society we live in or they learn it from their parents or surroundings. Did you know during the school years, bullying is one of the most common expressions of violence in the peer context. Research on bullying started more than forty years ago, when the phenomenon was defined as ‘aggressive, intentional acts carried out by a group or an individual repeatedly and over time against a victim who cannot easily defend him- or herself’. Three criteria are relevant in order to define aggressive behaviour as bullying: repetition, intentionality and an imbalance of power. Given these characteristics, bullying is often defined as systematic abuse of power by peers. It is recognised globally as a complex and serious problem.
As bullying is a form of aggressive behaviour, it is not surprising that an individual’s general tendency to aggress (trait aggression) is associated with bullying. Having attitudes and cognitions that favour aggression and low levels of empathy towards other people are associated with both general aggression and bullying. There used to be a rather common belief that low self-esteem leads to aggression, including bullying. Although negative self-related cognitions are (weakly) related to bullying, they do not predict a greater likelihood of being a pure, non-victimised bully. Though there is little support for the aggression – low self-esteem hypothesis in general. Recent evidence suggests that narcissism, or a sense of grandiosity and entitlement, as well as callous-emotional traits (characterised by lack of empathy and shame) are associated with bullying.
There are three subtypes of bullies, a popular-socially intelligent group, a popular moderate group, and an unpopular-less socially intelligent group; the study underlines the heterogeneity of children and adolescents involved in bullying. Overall, there is a need to understand better the heterogeneity of students bullying their peers and their differing motivations to do so. Research guided by the social cognitive framework has found that bullies are characterised by thought processes that support the use of aggression. Bullies feel confident about using aggression, expect positive outcomes for aggression (e.g. peer approval), view aggression as an accepted way of behaving, and have an overall positive view on the use of aggression.
Whether such tendencies should be regarded as deficiencies or merely as differences in social-cognitive processing styles, has been debated in the literature. Traditionally, social competence has been seen as a behaviour that is socially accepted and associated with being liked by others. However, it can be also defined as an ability to be successful at achieving one’s goals. According to the latter view, children who successfully achieve their goals, either by using prosocial or coercive strategies, could be seen as socially competent. Some studies suggest that many (pure) bullies are so-called bistrategic controllers, who use both prosocial and coercive strategies to get what they want. Bullies value dominance and they often acquire it. Even if they are not necessarily personally liked by many classmates, bullies may be perceived as popular, powerful, and ‘cool’ among their peers. Moreover, bullies are often central members of their peer networks and have friends. Adolescent bullies like others who engage in similar behaviors and affiliate with them and can thereby provide reinforcement for each other’s coercive behaviour.
Regarding family influence, bullies tend to perceive their parents as authoritarian, punitive and unsupportive and they report less family cohesiveness than other children.
Bullying can cause a number of problems such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Victimisation is also related to numerous interpersonal difficulties such as peer rejection, low peer acceptance, having few or no friends, and negative friendship quality. Also, children with externalising problems and low levels of prosocial behaviour are more likely to be victimized. Children with internalising (or externalising) problems are more likely to become victimised if they also face interpersonal difficulties. Many risk factors for being bullied can be understood in the light of the bullies’ characteristics and goals: children who are unassertive and insecure can elicit aggression-encouraging cognitions in potential bullies. Such characteristics may also make a child a suitable target for someone aiming at status enhancement. By choosing victims who are submissive, insecure about themselves, physically weak, and rejected by the peer group, bullies can signal their power to the rest of the group without having to be afraid of confrontation or losing affection of other peers.
No matter the reason or why bulling is not okay. Please teach your kids it is not alright to bully. Before you say “My kid is not a bully” Take a look at them closely of they interact with other kids or people. Be involved in your kids lives. Think about how you interact with other people kids see things and learn behaviors from others.
As for my boys bully I hope one day she will learn it is not alright. I will always be in my boys corner. Like I said I am not going to let it get swept under the rug I am trying to find the right way to handle them so maybe everyone learns.